


sunrise extravaganza

by jonaley5



Category: Banana Bus Squad, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Gen, References to Depression, Self-Indulgent, Sunrises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24557656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonaley5/pseuds/jonaley5
Summary: John never knew how sunrises felt like.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	sunrise extravaganza

**Author's Note:**

> been sitting in my phone for quite for a few months, figured i need to finish this. i know it felt cut off but i have no idea of any other way on how to end it on a happy ending
> 
> wrote this on my phone and we feelin sad, so gang gang 🤙

To put it in simpler terms; John hasn't seen a sunrise.

What made him fascinated in sunrises is his countless experiences of sunsets. No matter how many times he watch a sunrise, those experiences were kept close to his heart, a special something.

The beauty of the sky swirling with colors from the bright baby blue and white puffy clouds to a muted but subtle combination of colors of the rainbow.

The west of the Earth where the sun goes down is consistently spraying colors. It's a sly yet a very simple concept of a farwell to people; he couldn't explain how it made him feel and think, it just made him — he doesn't know, to put in words: calm. 

The east's dark scenery is another story, the welcoming approach of darkness over the world followed by the bright moon and stars that blanketed their nights always leave him mesmerized by staring from constellation to another constellation. 

Rainy skies are another amusing thing to him. Even if the skies are covered by greying clouds that somehow block the sun's rays, creating a lining of light. John finds it hilarious when he remembered the time where everyone panicked because the sky is opening a portal to another dimension. Nonetheless, pitter-patter outside the house sometimes lull him back to sleep; like a mother singing a lullaby in a form of physical affection that hugs his heart bittersweetly.

Stars. Stars are also out of this world¹. Stars slowly appear from the brightest light to the dimmed and pale stars that reveal itself in the night sky right after the sun has succumbed to slumber. For John, he considers every little star important to create a bigger picture. But that doesn't mean that those said little stars are only for the whole general matter, it also has it's own meaning and worth.

It's why he started referring people as stars when he was at the age of four. 

As what as he always remember, his favorite science fact: all living beings originated from remnants of star dusts.

That's what John always concluded when thinking deeper about what made him adore sunsets. It's an amazing feeling to have. Just calm, beautiful, welcoming, and for other people — bittersweet, the day farewells and a new tomorrow is waiting.

By the time John reached the peak of his thoughts, couldn't help himself but wonder; _do sunrises feel the same?_

As a child, he always tells his mother to wake him early enough to see the sunrise on the night before Saturday (as he have school to attend to in weekdays, he was a busy child). His mother cheered him on for the determination to see at least one sunrise; seeing that his mother is always delightful to see the happiness and the excitement that her son is radiating, so she didn't mind doing so. 

Unfortunately, he never got to.

He almost did.

He missed it a couple of times. A lot of times.

John either overslept, too tired, or too lazy that he didn't bother going outside. He was disappointed, it's the lingering sunlight that flows into his room from the window reminding him that he has missed another opportunity to feel the morning sun right after it had risen. He couldn't help but be frustrated of the times that he missed it. John (twelve years old at the time) threw countless tantrums, making his mother worry over him while his little sister stares at him when he wails. 

Throughout his years of growth and personal hell, the frustration turned into anger, anger to ignorance, ignorance spiraling him down to blissful sadness, and finally acceptance — reaching to a point where he's lying to himself that he's not going to care anymore, but deep down, buried in new thoughts and uprising problems, he still _hopes_ to know how seeing one felt like.

Now that he was an adult, with a somehow stable (but not so stable if his videos get demonetized) career that he employed himself in², moving to a new place away from his family and hometown with his roomates; Jay and Kugo. He used to think that maybe moving was an easier chance to see sunrises, except his room made it even difficult to witness the morning sun, so now, he crossed that thought off the list in mind. 

Being friends actually helped his daily routine (sleep, vape, eat, record or stream, repeat); Kugo, optimistic of a new work-out excercise, convinced John to go with him outside the house early in the morning, even Jay was surprised too. 

No one of his newfound friends knew about his fascination of sunrises. He shouldn't care.

It's just a simple routine agreement that he and Kugo talked about, that Kugo will go on a jog while John waits for the other in the park (and exploring the area around in his own pace). This made him wake up at five in the morning, along with Kugo, just the perfect general time to wake up just before sunrise, his hands itching and chest heavy of lingering spark of hope that it might be his chance to finally bask.

But like he decided, he won't bother to watch the sun beam into his face.

 _He's not going to care_.

As usual, another day. Kugo called for him from the kitchen, asking the blonde man if he was ready to go out. John shrugged, but went out anyway with Kugo trailing behind him (confused).

Both reached the park, a bit earlier than intended, to the usual spot where Kugo would leave him behind to jog. It was still dark around, but by the time they reached their spot, it was starting to get brighter. Kugo left with a soft yet concerned smile before running off — John didn't see that.

The breeze was cool and bright green trees swayed of gentleness. Fluffy, white clouds hovered above him and birds sing a tune leaving him feel overwhelmed of his surroundings even more. He is fully aware of the sun rising. He shouldn't care about it. Foliage were sparkling of morning dew on their surfaces. He felt like crying right there and then. Plently of people were starting to appear, he shook his head of the thought of a crowd's stare if he did. Instead, he switched his attention to the blooming flowers on the grass. It might be spring but somehow, the wind grew colder and colder.

His eyes jumped from flower to flower. Each of a different shape and size and color yet remaining equally similar — it made him think back to how stars looked like. The thought made him even woefully awful than before.

For what felt like an eternity of looking at flowers, Kugo came back, snapping John out of his spiraling thoughts and almost on the verge of tears. John tried to brush off the empty feeling he felt when he saw his soft outline of shadow on the ground, letting him know that the sun showed it's bright happiness.

Letting him know that he's wasting away chances.

He hastily checked his phone, only displaying 6 AM on the screen.

¹ John tried so hard not to laugh of this pun.  
² It's YouTube, Twitch, and maybe his own merch if it's not non-existent at the moment. His YouTooz did sold out, so maybe he has a chance career after all.

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea what their routine is i just made that up pleass forgive me


End file.
